Are You Currently Experiencing Grief And Loss?

If you are reading this, you are likely in the process of experiencing some loss in your life, and considering grief counseling.Feelings of loss and grief can be caused by the death of a loved one, but can also be experienced if you are estranged from someone like a family member (this is sometimes referred to as disenfranchised grief), or “prematurely” if a loved one suffers from dementia or other fatal illness that makes you feel like you’ve lost them already.

The loss is usually of a human being, but very commonly it can be a beloved pet, a home, even a job. Divorce can cause grieving, as can a disabling illness or injury and other life situations that involve drastic change.

Regardless of who or what you have lost, it surely is grieving if you feel anger, intense sadness or other difficult emotion, and a general, pervasive sense of loneliness and isolation. They may seem to come out of nowhere and can feel overwhelming.

Alongside these feelings, you may be suffering from difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep patterns, a sense of emptiness, loss of appetite or excessive appetite, and exhaustion.

Regardless Of How Your Grief Expresses Itself, You Are Not Alone

A major difficulty with grief and loss is that it is experienced uniquely; that is, even within the same family the expression and process can be different for everyone.

This is where the sense of isolation can come in. You might feel alone because while your sibling (for example) might be “over it”, you are still feeling stuck in your sadness since your loved one passed away. While you are struggling miserably to face each day, someone else facing a similar loss might appear high-functioning, even (inappropriately) lighthearted.

The fact is, people process grief in their own way, there are no real “stages of grief” despite the common wisdom, and your “high-functioning” family member might have an emotional outpouring later on that you never see. Or they may not. Regardless, you may feel guilt because of what your grieving looks like relative to others’, and you shouldn’t.

You may also feel guilty for grieving for someone who is still alive. This is normal, common, and no cause for guilt, although your feelings are understandable.

Perhaps you feel alone because you are grieving a loss no one can relate to, like moving to a new city or being fired from a job that really forged your sense of self. Again, it’s common to grieve such losses. It’s also understandable to feel like your pain is unrecognized and disregarded by people to the point that you feel completely misunderstood.

The truth is, grief is a universal experience, that happens due to myriad types of losses, and can make you feel like you are emotionally all over the place. Grief emotions over a loss don’t necessarily occur in stages, and can be influenced by triggers.

There Is A Solution To Your Feelings Of Grief And Loss

It’s very difficult to feel left alone to struggle with your circumstances of loss, and I do understand. You feel like you don’t have a right to grieve, or that you should be over the loss by now.

There is no set length of time for grieving. Everyone has a different experience with it, and as a grief therapist I can provide guidance on this difficult journey. I have worked with people who have experienced many types of grief reactions. I have found that people do feel better with the benefit of time and the opportunity to explore their grief fully, in the presence of an understanding and well-trained professional.

I use psychodynamic psychotherapy techniques to help you understand your feelings and develop a different, more manageable relationship with your grief. Grief comes in waves, and I am here to keep you upright as you learn skills to overcome those waves.

Because grief expresses itself in different ways at different points, and exists on a continuum depending on the individual and type of loss, I may also incorporate EMDR treatment if needed for the healing process. There is a lot of negative cognition in grieving, such as guilt-filled self-talk; I will work with you to reframe your thinking in a positive way.

I Have Concerns About Seeking Therapy For My Grief…

I’m afraid that my grief will overwhelm me in a therapy session.

It’s understandable to have concerns about this. My goal is to provide a therapeutic container for your grief, where it can be manageably worked through.

Even if you feel like a pool of tears (which is completely okay), as if you will be forever lost in the pain, I am here to provide a hand in the darkness. My space is a place of healing containment that will keep your emotions from flooding you.

I should be over this by now. It seems self-indulgent to get help.

Why should you be over this by now? Everyone processes grief differently, and as I stated earlier, the stages of grief don’t really happen in a linear fashion. It’s completely normal to feel sensations ranging from numbness and depression to acute pain and anger, directed in ways that might surprise you. Those surprising sensations are still within the normal range of processing grief, and I’m here to guide that.

One thing you should understand about grief is that the loss is not only of the thing or person that is gone, but of your identity in relation to that person or thing. You need help coming to terms with that loss within your identity. It will be different for you than it is for someone else, even if someone close to you lost the same person or thing. For that reason you must be gentle with yourself and understand that loss is complicated.

I feel what seems like grief, but the person I’m grieving isn’t even dead.

It’s still grief, and if you’re reading this page, you likely know that. I am able to help you treat your loss whether it’s a death, a divorce, a move, a pet, a spouse, a family member, or a friend. Your feelings of loss are okay.

There Is A Path To Peace And Acceptance After A Loss

If you are ready to work on grief recovery, I am here. To consult with me about receiving grief therapy, please contact me at my practice in Berkeley, CA for a free 30-minute consultation.